Dear Patt,
I apologize for the bluntness, which is rare from me, especially when you need an affirmation to bounce off of. I too have made all these same "mistakes" in portraits I have done, and more than once I have started again, for the right result. I painfully came to the conclusion that I needed to paint
Arianna and Taylor again (yes, there are two versions of this painting), and also
Laura at Thirteen , the first version of which still haunts me, sitting in a surreal way on a big chair in another room. I had a bad start on Laura's face, and starting over was the right thing to do. I know it is not easy to focus again on a new canvas, but the courage and conviction returns when everything falls into place, as intended. So I've meant this critique to be affirmative for you, while blunt.
Here are some basics I'd keep in mind:
1. Relative to the shirt, the head is somewhat larger, and quite wide and round. Getting this relationship right will better represent the scale and age of this boy.
2. Get the vertical center line of the features, off center to our right, as shown in the reference. You seem to have reversed this.
3. Pay attention to the angle of the features, thinking of an imaginary angled line running through the eyes.
4. Note that the nose is shorter, but even wider in its wings; and that the eyes are wide set in relation. Draw a triangle traversing the tip of the nose and the eyes, and you will see it is vertically very shallow compared to your portrait.
5. The smile is wide. Pay attention to the shape of the mouth and lips.
6. The ears are diminished in semi-shadow, especially his left ear. Don't make the ear as bright a value as the chin! Also note the geometry and placement of the ears, especially in how they relate to the tips of that smile.
7. Be careful in explaining the hair color, which appears to be a standard winter-time blond so common with kids. I am confused by the dominance of dark and rich umbery browns, denoting decidedly a darker different hair color. On the other hand, much has to do with the nature of the transition from the light mass on the forehead diminishing as it reaches the hair. Get those transitions right, in relationship, and you can use dark values that describe blond!
8. Echoing what I just said, keep the modeling of the light in shade in relationship to the reference, without any unexplainable deviations, as (especially) in the neck.
While your current portrait has a degree of resemblance to the boy, it will be a strong likeness and winning portrait if you keep these guidelines in check. I do indeed wish you the very best with this commission!
Garth