Anxiety, Part Two: Julia Cameron's Books

[Patricia Joyce]

Having mentioned the Artist's Way, I thought it might help others to tell my story, as briefly as I can. I loved drawing when I was a kid (who amongst us didn't?) and when I was in high school became very serious about wanting to be a portrait artist. Tragically, when I was a senior in high school, I was physically/sexually assaulted by an "artist" (not by any means, but in my naivatee' he was) 25 years my senior. Without going into any horrid detail, within a year I was unable to pick up a pencil without having panic attacks. You might say I developed some sort of phobia. I packed up my art supplies and little portfolio and slid them under my bed.

In the ensuing 25 years I married, divorced, raised two sons, put myself through college in my thirties, made a good life for myself. I had a successful career. I had great friends. My sons are incredible, beautiful, intelligent and both of them VERY creative (Kris is a professional jazz musician). And at least once a year I would pull out the old portfolio, gaze at the drawings I had done in my youth and feel the longing. But to even walk into the art supplies section of any store meant high anxiety. The first time I visited the Metropolitan Museum in New York and sat before my favorite Monet, I cried silent, painful tears. That was in 1996.

When I returned from New York a good friend, who is an artist herself recommended an Artist Way summer workshop series. Ten weeks long. That ten weeks, the support of the group, my journaling and taking myself on "artist dates" all aided me in facing my horrid memory and my fears. I was able to reclaim my artist within. And I drew one drawing, through gulping tears I realized I could still draw!!!

My youngest son, Kevin, graduated from high school and joined the Coast Guard in 2001 and I seriously dedicated my life to developing my art. I have not looked back. The passion I experienced in my youth never diminished. It was buried deep within me and awakened only after I followed Julie Cameron's Artist Way.

I still have fears, anxieties, insecurities. I don't know if I will ever be able to support myself with my art. But I will never stop creating portraits. I dropped my business card off at a local gallery last Saturday and made an appointment with the owners to show my small portfolio. Who knows what will come of it. But my friend, who was with me commented after we left the gallery, "Wow, Pat, you introduced yourself as a portrait artist with such confidance!" I do not apologize for being a very green student, but I never question anymore whether or not I am an artist.

God Bless all artists

[Mary Sparrow]

Wow Pat, First of all, big hugs to you. It is odd that now is the first time I have noticed the Artist's way being mentioned on this forum. I have never read the book until this weekend. (A little case of "syncronicity" perhaps?)

Pat, I am a big believer that all things happen for a reason. And I believe that because of your experience it made you a stronger person, you obviously have done well for yourself and should be so proud of your children and the contributions you made to their success. I don't see the time you spent away from your pencil as time lost, but rather a stepping stone to get you where you are now. Determined and READY!

After skimming through "The Artist's Way", I must admit that I groaned at all of the journaling, and the artists dates. Not because I don't see the benefit, but because with 3 very young children who has the time!?.
However, after your post, maybe I'm being reminded to TAKE the time.

Thanks.

[Patricia Joyce]

Thanks, Mary! And I remember how busy it can be with little ones! I give YOU allot of credit for the amount of art you create with the full plate you have right now. Someone suggested to me a while ago, that I look back on my life and see if I had not been creative all along, just not with a pencil and paper. It was true. When my kids were little we made books together. I made toys for them! We cooked together and decorated cookies. I took writing courses and had a couple small essays published locally. Looking back and recalling these activities was very encouraging and confidence building.

I am sure there are many many moments in your everyday with your children that you are still creating, being an artist, even when away from your easel. It is in our spirit and it just won't be denied. Claiming that is very powerful.

Your art is beautiful, Mary. And I commend you on your determination. Time is a cherished commodity when children are young!! Keep up the good work!!

[Kimberly Dow]

Patricia,

Your a brave soul. Keep it up. You have my admiration.

[Patricia Joyce]

Thanks, Kim. I feel blessed by the support and encouragement I receive here.