Rev. Bill Romer

[Enzie Shahmiri]

Carolyn,

If you have photo shop scan the image, duplicate it and crop the duplicate. Then set both side by side to evaluate the composition. The cropped version will bring the train more into the foreground. If you don't have photoshop you can always take a piece of back paper with a square cut out and place it over your monitor image to get a feel what it would look like.

I like this image, the play of the different textures and the way you have handled him. Personally, I do not care for the suit jacket, since I find it too formal for a hobbyist.

I also would check his hand, which holds the train, again-it seem a tad too wide.

[Debra Norton]

Carolyn, when I covered the bottom of the jacket with my hand, the rest seemed way too busy and complicated; at the top of the picture is the busyness of his face, and at the bottom is the busyness of the train, too much for my eyes to take in. But when the jacket is uncovered it all seems to balance out for me. I like it with the whole jacket, and I like the way you've faded it.

[Debra Norton]

I also like the way the curve of the jacket helps bring my eye into the picture, up his body, and through the train to his face.

[Marcus Lim]

Originally Posted by Enzie Shahmiri

...Personally, I do not care for the suit jacket, since I find it too formal for a hobbyist.

I agree...in fact, if it's a more personal image you're portraying, how's the idea of adding more fun to it? Like maybe putting him in a workman outfit, plus an old train engineer's hat!
I'm sure the artwork will really wanna make him come "ALL ABOARD!"

[Carolyn Bannister]

Thanks everyone for the input, have put this question elsewhere as well and as usual have two completely opposite opinions

So i think i'll compromise, i'm not going to actually crop the image but will leave out just the bottom line of the jacket leaving space under the train to balance the busy-ness of the top half.

We did discuss the jacket problem, its not actually a suit jacket its a soft material more a casual blazer and his wife prefered it as it covers his rather large tummy I will try and make it look a little more crumpled maybe? The original photos were taken in a sweater.

Now all i have to do is paint it

[Terri Ficenec]

Carolyn,
Sounds like a good solution

Congratulations on your first commission!!

[Steven Sweeney]

Carolyn,

I realize you're well into this and the momentum may be such that you'd be reluctant to make some adjustments, but I want to mention a couple of things, if only for "next time."

No matter what amount of cropping from above or below, you still have a format divided into the left vertical 1/3, with nothing in it at all, and the right 2/3, with the rest. I'm a fan and practitioner of unorthodox composition, but this particular division seems out of balance to my eye. I'm tempted to make suggestions for something "in the background" in that left-side space -- an unusual clock, perhaps, or a wall-mounted artifact of his religious life, or maybe the diagonal perspective of a workbench, if as someone suggested, this is a portrayal of a hobbyist. I don't know what to suggest, really, because I can't tell what the subject's "story" is -- that is, I'm not sure why this minister is holding a toy train engine. But whatever the theme, it strikes me that it could be represented in some fashion, however subtlely, to fill that void.

Because the format is already tall and narrow, the second observation relates to something more difficult to adjust. All the focal interest lies in two areas, right now of roughly similar weight, the head and the train engine, both of which lie right in the middle of the format, one directly above the other on a vertical line. A more triangulated composition, with the center of focus not necessarily in the center of format, might have presented less second-guessing about cropping the image to move the subject around within the format.

Unless the train is to become the "story" here, you'll have to be careful that it is rendered in such a way (softening edges, perhaps, or reducing value range or color intensity) as to avoid stealing all the viewer's interest away from the subject's head, which is already somewhat "secondary" simply because we don't get to see his eyes.

Finally, make a strong commitment to the direction of the light source and the way the light flows over the form. Just to pick out one thing to look at here, the uniform width and value of that shadow running from the shoulder all the way down to the wrist threatens to make the arm appear to be "pinned on."

As I said, I realize you're well into this, but the Forum critiques are also useful for bringing some general focus to bear on matters that any member-artist can always be thinking about.

[Steven Sweeney]

Oops. After hitting "Submit" I realized that I wasn't in the "Critiques" section after all. The fence was down, and I wandered into a different pasture.

But since most of my comments did in fact relate to composition, I guess the post is still responsive to the subject line.

[Carolyn Bannister]

Steven,

This is just the sort of help i'm looking for, never mind it's in the wrong section

The points you mention especially the empty left side, are really valid and I had been struggling with them myself, in the end i gave up trying to figure it out and left the left hand side empty to see what the reaction would be.

The client saw another painting of mine and was quite definite about the pose, and the fact that he should be looking with affection at his 'toys' and no ref to the fact that he is a minister as that is not how she sees him. A bit of background info., the trains are in the garden with an enormous landscape with track, signals, waterfalls, cows in the fields etc etc.

Initially I had another train engine in the bottom left to give some perspective and balance the comp. but this only made the painting look more like a painting of trains and a man not the other way round (which he was really happy about )

Another idea was to add a couple of train signals especially the one shaped like an arrow and have it pointing upwards towards his face. These would be only sketchy additions as the bottom of the painting, fading out and losing colour ( as in the painting she first saw).

This is really useful as I always start at the top and work my way down anyway so I haven't yet reached the part that could be altered.
I see what you mean about the shadow on the arm, I'll definitely address that as I reach that part of the painting.

Thank you again for taking the time to give such detailed help

Carolyn.