There is an active polo crowd in my hometown of San Antonio. Retama, I think is the name of the field. I watched a few matches there between some Florida teams and a team from Argentina. All I really know about polo is that you don't have just one polo pony, you better have about five.
When I said move him a bit to the right, I was seeing a more horizontal composition with the horse (maybe not the full horse) coming in from our left, nuzzling his shoulder as he looked the other way.
I think your idea sounds fine. The tighter version seems a little too tight for all that you want to include. I would ask if, to the layperson, those things which you would include would give enough to explain "polo", or maybe that's not even important.
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Mike McCarty
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